Surreal Mortality

Some of my most horrific experiences were from my childhood nightmares. Just last night I dreamt that I was in my very own sitting room around 11:30 (the time when I usually go to sleep during weekdays). I sensed something wrong and promptly got up to lock the door and to go upstairs (in this case, my safe haven). I had just turned after locking it when I felt a breeze and was horrified to know that the door had mysteriously flung itself back open. Unlike what a rational person would do in such situations, I went back to get the door when I suddenly felt what I call "virtual death". Its kind of hard to explain but my best attempt would be "an implosion of all thought and consciousness" followed by a blackout which makes me feel like I am fading away into oblivion. (Think real death would be a bit like that huh?) Then I woke up. Obviously, this is not the first time I felt such a thing. Lately, dreaming has taken a weird turn for me. When I was younger, it was quite bleak and monotonous with nothing interesting and the occasional nightmares involving my little brother's head turning into a pumpkin, subsequently exploding in my face (I actually dreamt that once).

A few months ago, I had even felt what the experts call "lucid dreaming". Its a kind of dream in which you are aware that you are sleeping and I experienced it several times. I contemplated the absurdity of what was happening and just realized that I must be dreaming, waking up to find myself doing just that. Death has become a prominent occurrence as well. One night I dreamt that huge waves were travelling ominously towards an unknown destinations, then suddenly waking up. The next thing I knew was a huge wave crashing onto me from nowhere followed by err... the surreal death I've been talking about earlier. Then I wake up again to find myself abed, this time in the real world, where I am furiously typing away to craft this blog. For this reason, sometimes when I wake up (into the real world) in a state of denial, wondering if what I was feeling is real for a little while. Of course, I come to my senses soon after, since real life has a heck of a lot more detail than slumberland and you can manipulate your thoughts in anyway you deem fit. (Try telling that to yourself immediately after you wake up though, the grogginess just won't let you think rationally for a few seconds at the least). And the worst part of having these particularly dreadful episodes is, me being the wimp that I am, feeling hesitant to get out of bed for a while, even after regaining full consciousness. Hehe. Lame huh? Yeah, I keep telling myself that.

I have always been fascinated about the origins of dreaming. I read somewhere (quite a while ago) that dreams are the product of the subconscious accessing our endless archives of audio, visual and haptic data (in a recent article I read, this data is not fact, merely experiences stored as electrical impulses) subsequently pushing some of them into our conscious mind, which is resting during this stage. The poor conscious mind tries to compile this influx of data into something sensible and voila, dreams are formed and experienced. I am not sure where I read this from, and I may be right (Freud, anyone?) but it certainly seems plausible to my own sensibility. Err... just for the record, I don't believe dreams have any significant spiritual value, so interpreting them is just a stupid waste of time.

Speaking of sleep, I am sure you've all heard about alien abduction. On some TV show, the scientists simply ruled the instances described as cases of sleep paralysis, as a hallucination of waking up abruptly in a particular stage of sleep. One night I dreamt that I had woken up, quite suddenly, to find myself completely paralyzed. I wasn't in the state for long but every detail of my room was recreated perfectly including the level of illumination and the weather condition outside my window (light drizzle). Needless to say, I was terrified (paranoia setting in, I suppose). Moments later I "woke up", with all my motor functions fully restored. I initially thought this was a dream but later realized that it was just simple ol' sleep paralysis, probably induced by my supine sleeping position.

I guess I have a lot of trouble with dreaming, but nothing compared to the subject matter of this movie (artfully portrayed in the poster above). Sigh, I just long for undisturbed sleep, or if it is absolutely necessary, to include a harem full of beautiful ladies who are willing to do all my bidding, including (but not limited to) an on-demand appendectomy.