A public-dignitary conflict
I am sick and tired of these damn foreign dignitary visits. Not because I am xenophobic (au contraire, I actually love foreigners -- especially hot chick foreigners) but merely because their arrival interfers with my life by causing all this traffic chaos. Its as if we should either stay indoors (imprisoning ourselves?) or vacate the city during the lenght of their visits to avoid constant traffic jams and detours. This gives me an idea... the government should just publish a mass (temporary) eviction order so these foreign jerks can enjoy an even enhanced sense of security (I think they get off on those kind of feelings). Here is an excerpt from a fictional press conference I just thought up of:
Presidential Spokesman: Good morning ladies and gentlemen. We are having this conference to announce what is called a "mass eviction" order to the citizens of the greater Malé area effective from 20th June 2007 till 23rd June 2007. This is to "commemorate" the King of Shitland, His Royal Majesty Ass Clown the 3rd's visit to our humble capital. I see a lot of you have questions at this point therefore I'll grant you 3 or 4. Yes, you... in the distant corner in the red shirt with a low neckline.
Journalist1: [Clearly distraught] Err.. you can't do this. This is ludicrous, I am not a lawyer but I am sure we can find at least one constitutional provision asserting our right to live here without let or hindrance from the government.
Presidential Spokesman: [Clears throat] I don't think so... You guys are constitutionally allowed freedom of speech but do we see that happening? Get my drift?
Journalist2: Just one question from here... are you out of you fucking mind?
Presidential Spokesman: [Calmly] Nope. I retain at least 30% of my brain functionality and I have been working for the Presidential Office for 3 years now. Thats quite an achievement you know. Which reminds me... you "constitution freaks" will love this. The earlier mentioned eviction thingy was issued under a special Presidential Decree which is entrusted in the President of the Republic of Maldives under Article 4 subsection D, so I strongly suggest you, meaning the beloved citizens, to pack your bags and vamoose.
Journalist3: [Filled with rage] But where the hell are we all supposed to go?
Presidential Spokesman: Pfft.. we maybe heartless bastards in making you leave your homes and business but c'mon, give us some credit. We are not a bunch of half-assed dimwits who only execute part of our jobs. We've set up lovely tent-based accommodations in the outer islands with all the third-world amenities you can ever dream of.
Journalist3: [Unconvinced] You mean refugee camps?
Presidential Spokesman: For the love of God!! Why didn't you call it a concentration camp? Anyway, this issue is not open to debate. I just cited a frakkin' Presidential Decree here. Now about the consequences of civil disobedience... if any of you wise guys, think you can outsmart or out-brawn the security forces by setting up protests and whatnot, I am obligated to remind you that the State will not hesitate on using pepper spray, tasers, canine flees and rabid cops to bring you under control. Furthermore we will proceed to prosecute any would-be offenders to the furthest extent of the Law, and by that we mean charge you with sedition and err... maybe even throw in terrorism while we are at it. We can tolerate a shitload of corruption and civil service ineptitude here but we are not going to tolerate anarchy [shudders]. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go ... just received an SMS from the big guy saying I got promoted to Foreign Minister. This press conference is so over.
On a more serious note, its unquestionable that they (dignitaries) need to visit and since the capital island is so damn small, can't anything be done to reduce the public-dignitary conflict which is pissing us all off?
Presidential Spokesman: Good morning ladies and gentlemen. We are having this conference to announce what is called a "mass eviction" order to the citizens of the greater Malé area effective from 20th June 2007 till 23rd June 2007. This is to "commemorate" the King of Shitland, His Royal Majesty Ass Clown the 3rd's visit to our humble capital. I see a lot of you have questions at this point therefore I'll grant you 3 or 4. Yes, you... in the distant corner in the red shirt with a low neckline.
Journalist1: [Clearly distraught] Err.. you can't do this. This is ludicrous, I am not a lawyer but I am sure we can find at least one constitutional provision asserting our right to live here without let or hindrance from the government.
Presidential Spokesman: [Clears throat] I don't think so... You guys are constitutionally allowed freedom of speech but do we see that happening? Get my drift?
Journalist2: Just one question from here... are you out of you fucking mind?
Presidential Spokesman: [Calmly] Nope. I retain at least 30% of my brain functionality and I have been working for the Presidential Office for 3 years now. Thats quite an achievement you know. Which reminds me... you "constitution freaks" will love this. The earlier mentioned eviction thingy was issued under a special Presidential Decree which is entrusted in the President of the Republic of Maldives under Article 4 subsection D, so I strongly suggest you, meaning the beloved citizens, to pack your bags and vamoose.
Journalist3: [Filled with rage] But where the hell are we all supposed to go?
Presidential Spokesman: Pfft.. we maybe heartless bastards in making you leave your homes and business but c'mon, give us some credit. We are not a bunch of half-assed dimwits who only execute part of our jobs. We've set up lovely tent-based accommodations in the outer islands with all the third-world amenities you can ever dream of.
Journalist3: [Unconvinced] You mean refugee camps?
Presidential Spokesman: For the love of God!! Why didn't you call it a concentration camp? Anyway, this issue is not open to debate. I just cited a frakkin' Presidential Decree here. Now about the consequences of civil disobedience... if any of you wise guys, think you can outsmart or out-brawn the security forces by setting up protests and whatnot, I am obligated to remind you that the State will not hesitate on using pepper spray, tasers, canine flees and rabid cops to bring you under control. Furthermore we will proceed to prosecute any would-be offenders to the furthest extent of the Law, and by that we mean charge you with sedition and err... maybe even throw in terrorism while we are at it. We can tolerate a shitload of corruption and civil service ineptitude here but we are not going to tolerate anarchy [shudders]. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go ... just received an SMS from the big guy saying I got promoted to Foreign Minister. This press conference is so over.
On a more serious note, its unquestionable that they (dignitaries) need to visit and since the capital island is so damn small, can't anything be done to reduce the public-dignitary conflict which is pissing us all off?
Labels: Maldives, Maldivian Government
posted by f1x4n at
10:34 PM
4 Comments:
wait you..u work in waste management or sumthing??? o_O
I deleted my first response to your query as a friend pointed out that it was a bit rude. So let me try again.
Hello Shweeeet! You might notice that I never sign any of my posts with my real name which means that I like the security which this anonymity affords me. And to answer your question, No. In the future, if you need to ask something not related to the blog or post, please contact me through e-mail so information (both false and true) about my personal nature would not be public. :)
im sorry..i din mean to do ne thing like that..u can delete my comment if u want, i dinno that u were an anti public person..
BWAHAHAHAH!! That was classic... good post, my man. I can totally understand the need for an eviction everytime one of those foreign clowns comes to town. And it doesn't even sound so far fetched... thanks for the early morning laugh.
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